Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i think i just lost a toe
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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