OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
