I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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