before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
