Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
