listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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