So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
