On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
