found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
