I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
