Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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