her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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