how can u be prego again
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
