bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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