At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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