Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
