We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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