First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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