just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
