So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am puke
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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