He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize