this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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