What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
