life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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