proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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