I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you didnt know i had herpes?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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