I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
