I puked a lego.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
