I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My breasts were aching with rage.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
