Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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