Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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