Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
