When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
