She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
