Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
