the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
