the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
