I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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