it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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