We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
