Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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