This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
where are my eyebrows?
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