Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
