I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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