it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
