There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
