Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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