Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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