I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
