I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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