You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize