I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
