Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
