Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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