Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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