The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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