his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
