Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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