i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
