im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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