i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
