Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
