evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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