apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
