I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
