he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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