I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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