i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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