I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
