We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
