I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
