Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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