I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
