its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize