believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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