omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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