Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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