You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
