Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
