He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
