i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
