Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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