Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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