He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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