the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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