he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize