She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
3pm strippers are depressing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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