if you like me you must not know who I am
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
