I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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