you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
