just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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