i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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