eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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