Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
