I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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