did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
