I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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