I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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