Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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