the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
