You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
