If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
