my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my poor anus
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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