hell yes lets make some ravioli
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
