is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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