we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
