he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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